Is it wrong to feel jealous when your boyfriend seems to have a life, whereas you pretend to have one, cos you don't wanna seem too available or too desperate, or that you "live for him" (I don't actually, although sometimes it feels like I do cos I'm so bored that I just wait for him to come online just to entertain me), when actually your life is pretty damn mundane?


Another question to pose to the huge black void out there.


Sigh. Relationships are so hard. All this second-guessing and wondering, it's so tiring. Life was so much easier when I was single. Not that I'm regretting being with him, don't get me wrong. I love every minute I spend with him, I love knowing that there's someone who, well, not love as yet (I hope), but likes me alot. I love knowing that when I get back, there's someone there to make me smile and laugh, who will give me cuddles and kisses and all the perks there are in a relationship.


But being away from each other really puts the pressure on. I know I should stop being a silly and just relax, cos I'm probably thinking too much, as usual. I'm sure everyone who's heard my worries are annoyed and irritated beyond belief and wanna bonk me on the head repeatedly.


Sigh. I guess this all boils down to trust, right?


Do I trust him?
Yes, honestly, I do.


Do I trust him with my heart?
Honestly?
I'm not sure.

It's like Gwen Stefani sang in Cool.

"It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life"

Ok, so he isn't the love of my life (yet), but he could well be in the future. Unfortunately, without a crystal ball or tarot cards, I can't predict what will happen.

But the point is, Gwen's right. It is hard to remember how it felt before. I've forgotten what I used to do in my free time before. Like, what did I do during my Easter holidays, when I didn't have anyone? What did I do to keep myself sane and occupied? It seems that with the perks of relationships, the heartaches come packaged along as well. I'm not saying that I'm naive enough to believe that any relationship wouldn't have its ups and downs. I'm just saying that for every good thing that comes your way, 2 sucky things will come to wobble your path and mess things up.

Ah, I'm rambling again. Bet no one comes to this blog anyways.