I had a dream about you;

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I AM SICK.

Must be all that fun the past few days. Sigh.

Hate being sick. :(

Pleghmy cough, pounding head, hot and cold spells. URGH.

Add all that to the work I have to do, plus the worry I keep feeling about my studies and the fact that the people I thought were my friends are now ostracizing me. But whatever. I've got other friends.

Anyways, thought I'd post some pictures up.

Aren't these pumps retro? Woody gave them to me as a birthday present. So sweet right! (And all because I joked that he should get me a new pair of shoes. On Friday night, when we were in the cab going to Ryan's gig, Woody accidentally stepped on my red sparkly shoes, and I joked that he should get me a new pair. LOL.)

Ryan's present. This ducky is so cute! U put it on water and it lights up and changes colour. So cute!

Well, nothing else to report. I'm tired, so tata!

I dreamt of you at 4:49 AM

Monday, February 19, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I am officially 19. Well, already for more than 24 hours, but the novelty hasn't worn of yet.

I've had a couple of downers this weekend, and a few uplifters. Well, I've really learnt who my true friends really are.

Oh wells.

Anyways, lots of photos from clubbing at Geisha at the MSS Valentine's Day party, Ryan's band gig at Waterfront Pub and finally a couple pics from the chill out session on my birthday!

Tsolmon and Jee-Sang.

Ah Hang, me and Tsolmon.

Me, Tsolmon, William.

Me and William.

Peter, me and Joseph.

Ernest, Kelvin and William.

Me and Jon.

From this point onwards, I don't remember things very clearly anymore. :)

Holly and Howard.

Holly and I.

Howard, Holly and I.

Jee-Sang, Howard, Holly, me and William.

Me and Howie!

Kean and me. (Poor guy. The usual heartache, hence the long face.)

Me and the girls again.

Me, Geoffrey and Vincent.

Group shot 1!

Group shot 2!

Me and Ruperta.

Ryan doin' his thang!

Me and Oh.

Me and Chilo.

Me, Zijing and Cathleen.

Me and Rik.

Ryan, Woody, Rik, Oh and me.

Vivian, Ryan, Woody, Oh and Rik.

The band that came after Ryan's. They were pretty good.

Me and John.

After that, we went back to Newark, where we went to disturb Shawn and he ended up freaking me out with his magic tricks. I know it's some optical illusion thing or something, but it totally defys everything I know, so it freaks the shit out of me. Went back to my room absolutely exhausted. Just when I had finished my shower and everything, my friends suddenly surprised me with 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream (my favourite Cookie Dough and Phish Food!) and a birthday card. Eline and Sophy got me a box of chocolates from Thorntons and a yellow scarf and glove set from Dorothy Perkins.

Anyways, on my birthday, didn't do much. Got some homework out of the way. Wanted to go to the Thai restaurant in the city for my birthday celebration (which I had been planning since last week), but as it turned out, the number of people who said they were gonna go at first slowly started dwindling down, and not for any good reason (Is "I'm too lazy to go out" a good reason to suddenly ditch people? I THINK NOT!) In the end, we (Ryan, Pat , Chilo and me) just called Thai takeout and chilled out in Newark. I think I had more fun with them than if we had gone with the initial bunch of people.

Pat and Ryan.

From left to right, the medic, the diva and the ninja. (LOL. Sorry, private joke.)

Well, that's about it, I guess. Got a ton of reading to do, but I don't feel like doing anything. After the hype of my birthday, I just don't feel in the mood to get back into things. ARGH. Oh wells. There'll be another pearty soon. Next is Newark Spring formal.

I dreamt of you at 6:45 PM

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Something struck me as very important, especially today.

If any of u caught the latest episode of One Tree Hill, it was something that Bevin said to Rachel in the girls' bathroom when they were doing the class assignment.

"I know people think I'm stupid, but I'm not dumb. I just let u and the other girls have their way because that's how u need it to be. But I think Carl's (the teacher) right. Pretty soon we're all gonna graduate and I can start over. But it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. People who use high school to build themselves up, and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who u were in high school. People like u."

Yeah, that's right. I mean, right now, at this very moment, I can literally count on one hand, the number of real friends who I care for and who I know truly care for me. And not one of my so called "friends" here even made the cut.

I've been going around all day feeling that I don't belong. Sometimes I think friends are truly overrated. They only want u there when they want something in return. They take advantage of u, take u for granted. When things are sunny for them, they look for other friends, other people that they wanna hang out with. But when they're down in the dirt, they come scrabbling back to u, hoping that they were still wonderful and a bloody hero in ur eyes.

I've had enough. People around me say, oh look, she's so independent, always going around by herself. Now that's brave. What, u think I like being alone all the time? U think it's immense fun to sit alone all by urself? It isn't by choice that I'm alone. Yeah, it's great that I can stand on my own two feet, that I can take care of myself. But I'm still a human being with feelings. And sometimes it really gets unbearable. And what's worse, is to be around these "friends" and be totally ignored. Do u know how sickening that is, to see them laughing and joking around, but they just leave u out of everything?

The two of them call me their friend. But they're going to dinner together on Thursday and they didn't even have the general courtesy to invite me. I'm not saying that they need to invite me everywhere they go, but they call me their friend. Do friends do that to one another? And one of them, says I'm one of her closest friends. And yet she breaks a promise to me. Sure, it's a small promise, but still, a promise is a promise. What does that tell me? This ain't no true friendship!

But u see? These are the people who are gonna go out into the real world and have to face the harsh reality that no one is gonna freakin' worship the ground on which they walk! It's a matter of mutual respect between people out there. U break a promise to someone, it's remembered for life, even if it involves the smallest matter. U screw something up, someone's gonna hold it over ur head forever. It doesn't matter how wonderful ur social life was in high school or college. No one out there will give a damn. All that matters is what kind of a person u are during that time. And I think I can safely say, that once university is over, I probably won't even want to bother keeping in touch with these people.

I dreamt of you at 11:00 PM

Monday, February 12, 2007

As u can see, I've changed my blogskin!

I know, people have been saying my past one is utterly boring and plain. So after a very, very, VERY long time, I decided, what the hell, I'll change it!

It took me ages to find the perfect blogskin and this is it! I just love the photos of the couple. It's very bittersweet for me, because I (big shock to everyone) have no boyfriend, and I'm looking for The One, the commitment of a relationship, and when I look at those photos, I just want have what that picture conveys to me: the love and committment that the couple share.

Ok. I'm just becoming fidgety cos it's 2 days to St. Valentine's Day. :(

I hate my week. So fucking busy.

Went for MSS thing just now. They screened Army Daze, which is just hilarious. Nothing like a good, really old Singapore film to fill everyone with nostalgia, especially the Singaporean boys who went through that rite of passage we all call NS in their adolescent years. Haha! The venue was at Hugh Stewart Hall Library, which is the most beautiful hall in the university. At least that's what I think. The building looks old and there's ivy creeping along the stone walls and it just feels like it has so many stories it could tell. It just feels like a real university.

Ok, I better get back to my work. Long day tomorrow. ARGH!

I dreamt of you at 11:44 PM

Sunday, February 11, 2007

And so the countdown continues.

I'm so bored. Argh. Got a ton of work to do. Sigh.

Dyed my hair yesterday. But now it looks kinda yucks. URGH. Stupid.

Ok, I have absolutely nothing to blog about, so bye.

I dreamt of you at 3:06 PM

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Just watched A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly. I know I've watched it before, but it's just one of those movies that never get old. Just gets better each time I watch it.

My favourite quote from the movie is the last part, where John Nash receives the Nobel Peace Award and he stands on stage giving his speech and talks directly to his wife Alicia sitting in the audience.

"It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons."

So romantic. Sigh.

Where the fuck is my equation? ARGH!

I found out my friends all got higher bloody grades than me. Fucking unfair. Sigh. Ok, I won't go down that road again.

I haven't studied more than half an hour today. Bloody feel like killing myself. :(

I dreamt of you at 1:06 AM

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

There's a vintage fashion show tomorrow at Kudos. Should I go? But that means I'll have to dress up, which I really can't be bothered to do these days. Damn those bloody blisters! It's freakin' cold and dry these days, so the wounds keep cracking open again. ARGH!

Anyways, got my results back today. Not very happy with them. I only got 2 first class grades and the rest are only 2:2s. Damn annoyed. It makes me even more pissed off when I heard the grades my "friend" got. Apparently she did really well, but what makes me annoyed is that she hardly studied for the exams and she played all the way up till one week before the exams. It really pisses me off when I have to work so hard, only to be handed a mediocre transcript, whilst other people enjoy life and play all the time, and only work at the last minute, and get fantastic results. It's bloody unfair, I tell u.

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE.

Oh wells. I guess I really have to buck up this time. No way am I gonna have lousy grades this semester. NO WAY! Gonna study my ass off, more than last semester. I don't care, even if I get an aneursym. MUST STUDY! 3 hours a day, everyday, outside of school.

I feel like crying just thinking about it and looking at my transcript again. :(

Aww, I miss home so much. No one to bitch to about my "friends". At least back in those good ol' KC days, I could turn to my best friend and complain about anything under the sky. I feel so alienated. Like I'm stuck in some unknown void. I don't belong to the world here in the UK, but neither do I belong to the warm and sunny world of Singapore. I hardly know what's going on back home with my friends, unless updated by some of my friends. But MSN is so unreliable, and it's such a bloody hassle to type. So tiring. Sigh. And over here, I feel like I'm surrounded by inane goofs. I'm amongst the youngest here, but yet I feel so much older than all the rest of them.

Thinking about Valentine's Day now. Oh my God, down that everlasting spiral I go again. URGH. 9 bloody days to seeing lovey-dovey idiotic couples walking around.

I swear to God, do not piss me off as we get closer to the most commercialised, depressing time of year.

I feel like screaming and tearing my hair out. :(

But before I do, here are 2 songs that I love. Of course, they're from One Tree Hill (where else would u look for the best music choices?). Both are sung by Michelle Featherstone. The first one is God Bless The Child, which is rather sad. It played in episode 16 of Season 3, with the school shooting. Very touching song.

The second one is Coffee and Cigarettes. Nothing special about this one, but I just like it. :)

I dreamt of you at 2:35 AM

Friday, February 02, 2007

In the blink of an eye, it's February again.

I remember what I was doing around this time last year. Time seems to pass so quickly. Sigh.

In 15 days, I'll be 19. Another year older. I feel torn. On the one hand, I wanna grow older, cos that means freedom, being treated like an adult and fulfilling my dreams. But on the other hand, I wanna stay young always, cos that means I don't have to worry about jobs and money and everything that worries u when u're an adult. How contradictory.

But then, 48 more days till sunny Singapore! I know everyone thinks I'm crazy that I keep count, but seriously, unless u've experienced living away from home in a God-awful cold, dreary, rainy country and u don't get to see or hear from ur family and friends on a daily basis, keep ur comments to urself.

I'm writing rubbish again.

Sometimes I feel I might as well be invisible. Ah, I'm not gonna complain about that already. Too damn tired. Thank God it's Friday, right?

Sigh. I've lost the mood to blog anymore.

I'm not gonna let u ruin things for me all over again. Not the confidence and esteem I've worked so hard to build up and maintain all this time. NO WAY.

I dreamt of you at 5:23 PM