Something struck me as very important, especially today.
If any of u caught the latest episode of One Tree Hill, it was something that Bevin said to Rachel in the girls' bathroom when they were doing the class assignment.
"I know people think I'm stupid, but I'm not dumb. I just let u and the other girls have their way because that's how u need it to be. But I think Carl's (the teacher) right. Pretty soon we're all gonna graduate and I can start over. But it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. People who use high school to build themselves up, and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who u were in high school. People like u."
Yeah, that's right. I mean, right now, at this very moment, I can literally count on one hand, the number of real friends who I care for and who I know truly care for me. And not one of my so called "friends" here even made the cut.
I've been going around all day feeling that I don't belong. Sometimes I think friends are truly overrated. They only want u there when they want something in return. They take advantage of u, take u for granted. When things are sunny for them, they look for other friends, other people that they wanna hang out with. But when they're down in the dirt, they come scrabbling back to u, hoping that they were still wonderful and a bloody hero in ur eyes.
I've had enough. People around me say, oh look, she's so independent, always going around by herself. Now that's brave. What, u think I like being alone all the time? U think it's immense fun to sit alone all by urself? It isn't by choice that I'm alone. Yeah, it's great that I can stand on my own two feet, that I can take care of myself. But I'm still a human being with feelings. And sometimes it really gets unbearable. And what's worse, is to be around these "friends" and be totally ignored. Do u know how sickening that is, to see them laughing and joking around, but they just leave u out of everything?
The two of them call me their friend. But they're going to dinner together on Thursday and they didn't even have the general courtesy to invite me. I'm not saying that they need to invite me everywhere they go, but they call me their friend. Do friends do that to one another? And one of them, says I'm one of her closest friends. And yet she breaks a promise to me. Sure, it's a small promise, but still, a promise is a promise. What does that tell me? This ain't no true friendship!
But u see? These are the people who are gonna go out into the real world and have to face the harsh reality that no one is gonna freakin' worship the ground on which they walk! It's a matter of mutual respect between people out there. U break a promise to someone, it's remembered for life, even if it involves the smallest matter. U screw something up, someone's gonna hold it over ur head forever. It doesn't matter how wonderful ur social life was in high school or college. No one out there will give a damn. All that matters is what kind of a person u are during that time. And I think I can safely say, that once university is over, I probably won't even want to bother keeping in touch with these people.
